It’s not easy coming up with the best anything ever, but a joke I first heard ten or fifteen years ago still wins today. Here it is, the best joke I know:
Guy walks into the doctor’s office with a duck growing out of his head.
“My god,” says the doctor, “how did this happen?”
“Well,” the duck says, “it all started with this thing on my foot.”
My favorite is an old Richard Jeni joke. It’s the first joke I ever told my wife and she ended up marrying me anyway. She was the first woman I tried it on. Thank God I didn’t have to use it again as it is crass and stupid.
[Guy holds up two fingers in a V.] “Why can’t you masturbate with these two fingers?”
“I dunno. Why?”
“Because they’re mine!”